Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
