eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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