Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
