u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
