the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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