WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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