Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
