Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
