hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
