Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
