She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
