Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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