why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
