....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
