note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
