I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
