maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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