He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
