Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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