Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
