i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
