I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
