What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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