No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
