Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Congratulations! We have a period
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