i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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