That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
