He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
