yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
