Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just google imaged poop.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
