I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
