you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
