I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
