we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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