dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
