I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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