I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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