True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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