Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
