You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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