Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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