I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
