funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
