I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
