mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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