I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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