Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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