My nipple is on Facebook.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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