Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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