those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
