K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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